Spoiler alert: it's about mental health (which I now prefer to call emotional and mental health).
4 practical issues I considered before making my decision, and the one invisible issue that was at the root of everything else.
Resources that have helped me over the last year (Jan. 2020 - Jan. 2021):
Reading and re-reading since January 2020: The Presence Process, by Michael Brown.
How to grow up emotionally and show up for myself everyday, even when my life sucks. Specially when my life sucks.
Lots of free resources on his website, check them out first (what worked for me might not work for you): http://www.thepresenceprocessportal.com/
Also, I did the experiential process 3 times (as recommended in the book) and still that doesn't mean my life's all good now because I fixed all my issues = the book and The Presence Process are not a magical fix, just like CSM is not the magical fix for all your career ambitions *wink wink - full circle moment*
If Michael Brown's not your cup of tea: School of Life channel on YouTube
If you never had a New Age phase like I did, you'll probably find Alain de Botton and The School of Life's approach a lot more palatable.
Recently read Sally Brampton's Shoot the Damn Dog, a real eye-opener on depression... even for a long time depressive.
Depression is an invisible illness, and not even I knew how much it impacted my life.
I was so sick and tired of attributing my self-sabotaging behaviour and low moods because of my depression, and Sally's book made me feel more "normal".
And also more compassionate about my own state, and therefore more compassionate towards my family and friends.
The Guardian review: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2008/feb/10/booksonhealth.biography
Reckless, self-sabotaging behaviour combined with a low-key wish to just be done with this life?
There is such a thing as passive suicidal ideation, please do not ignore the subtle signs!
I'm not gonna go through all the times I've acted out, and then revise these stories again and again as I put them in blog format. Bottomline is:
Sometimes, it's not just a matter of pushing through the pain.
If you feel seriously low and unmotivated: get outta here, and go talk with a trained mental health counsellor, therapist, your local suicide hotline...
Close this article and go take care of yourself, instead of asking me how to get into CSM.